Richard Templar's Rules: The Complete Compilation (Collection)

Description

• Copyright 2012
• Pages: 1488
• Edition: 1st

• eBook
• ISBN-10: 0-13-303889-0
• ISBN-13: 978-0-13-303889-7

The complete Templar Rules! 6 amazing books packed with bite-size, easy-to-follow rules for greater happiness, fulfillment, and success.

Life just isn’t as hard as it looks! Again and again, the most successful, happiest people use the same strategies. You can learn and use those strategies — and they work! In six amazing books, international best-selling author Richard Templar brings together hundreds of bite-size strategies for success… all of them stunningly smart, quick, and practical! The Rules of Money, Expanded Edition identifies 107 “golden behaviors” that create wealth and make it grow: indispensable insights for saving, spending, investing, thinking about, and even enjoying money! In The Rules of Life, Expanded Edition, Templar uncovers learnable attitudes and easy techniques for becoming more contented, more fulfilled, more enthusiastic about life. Templar’s The Rules of Work, Expanded Edition reveals “secrets” of people who seem naturally great at their jobs: those rare individuals who always say and do the right thing, get raises, get promoted — without compromising their principles, or even seeming to break a sweat. The Rules of Management, Expanded Edition covers all you need to get results as a manager: from setting realistic targets to holding effective meetings; finding the right people to inspiring loyalty. In The Rules of Love, Templar offers a complete personal code for finding love, sharing it, and making it last: 100 simple rules for finding a partner you can love for a lifetime (and keeping your partner just as happy). Finally, in The Rules of Parenting, Templar offers adaptable, flexible principles for becoming a better parent, from your child’s birth through boyfriends/girlfriends, driving lessons, college — and beyond! Six classic books packed with simple, common-sense, easy-to-follow rules that will change your life!

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Sample Content

Table of Contents

The Rules of Money, Expanded Edition: How to Make It and How to Hold on to It

Acknowledgments    x

Introduction    xi

Part I  Thinking Wealthy    2

1  Anybody Can Be Wealthy—You Just Need to Apply Yourself     4

2  Decide on Your Definition of Wealth    6

3  Set Your Objectives     8

4  Keep It Under Your Hat     10

5  Most People Are Too Lazy to Be Wealthy     12

6  Get a Reality Check    14

7  Understand Your Money Beliefs and Where They Come From     16

8  Understand That Wealth Is a Consequence, Not a Reward     18

9  Decide What You Want Money For     20

10  Understand That Money Begets Money    22

11  Calculate the Net Return    24

12  If You See Money as the Solution, You’ll Find It Becomes the Problem    26

13  You Can Make Lots of Money, You Can Enjoy Your Job, and You Can Sleep Nights     28

14  Don’t Make Money by Being Bad    30

15  Money and Happiness—Understand Their Relationship    32

16  Know the Difference Between Price and Value     34

17  Know How the Wealthy Think     36

18  Don’t Envy What Others Have     38

19  It’s Harder to Manage Yourself Than It Is to Manage Your Money    40

Part II  Getting Wealthy    42

20  You’ve Got to Know Where You Are Before You Start     44

21  You’ve Got to Have a Plan     46

22  Get Your Finances Under Control     48

23  Insurance Pays Someone, and Odds Are It’s Not You     50

24  Only by Looking Wealthy Can You Become Wealthy     52

25  Speculate to Accumulate (No, This Isn’t Gambling)     54

26  Decide Your Attitude to Risk    56

27  Think Through the Alternatives to Taking a Risk     58

28  If You Don’t Trust Someone, Don’t Do Business with Them    60

29  It’s Never Too Late to Start Getting Wealthy    62

30  Start Saving Young (or Teach Your Kids This One If It’s Too Late for You)     64

31  Understand That Your Financial Needs Change at Different Stages of Your Life    66

32  You Have to Work Hard to Get Rich Enough Not to Have to Work Hard    68

33  Learn the Art of Deal Making     70

34  Learn the Art of Negotiating     72

35  Small Economies Won’t Make You Wealthy but They Will Make You Miserable     74

36  Real Wealth Comes from Deals Not Fees     76

37  Understand That Working for Others Won’t Necessarily Make You Rich—but It Might     78

38  Don’t Waste Time Procrastinating—Make Money Decisions Quickly     80

39  Work as If You Didn’t Need the Money    82

40  Spend Less Than You Earn     84

41  Don’t Borrow Money—Unless You Really, Really Have To     86

42  Consider Consolidating Debts    88

43  Cultivate a Skill and It’ll Repay You Over and Over Again     90

44  Pay Off Your Loans and Debts as a Priority     92

45  Don’t Be Too Busy Earning a Living to Make Some Money     94

46  Save in Big Chunks—or Should You?     96

47  Don’t Rent; Buy     98

48  Understand What Investing Really Means    100

49  Build a Bit of Capital, Then Invest It Wisely     102

50  Understand That Property, in the Long Run, Will Not Outpace Shares     104

51  Master the Art of Selling     106

52  See Yourself as Others Do     108

53  Don’t Believe You Can Always Win    110

54  Don’t Pick Stocks Yourself If You Don’t Know What You’re Doing    112

55  Understand How the Stock Market Really Works     114

56  Only Buy Shares (or Anything) You Can Understand     116

57  Use Your Head    118

58  By All Means, Use the Investment Professionals (but Don’t Be Used by Them)     120

59  If You Are Going to Get Financial Advice, Pay for It     122

60  Don’t Fiddle     124

61  Think Long Term     126

62  Have a Set Time of Day to Work on Your Wealth Strategy     128

63  Pay Attention to Detail     130

64  Create New Income Streams     132

65  Learn to Play “What If?”     134

66  Control Spending Impulses     136

67  Don’t Answer Ads That Promise Get-Rich-Quick Schemes—It Won’t Be You Who Gets Rich Quick     138

68  There Are No Secrets     140

69  Don’t Just Read This—Do Something    142

Part III  Get Even Wealthier    144

70  Carry Out a Finance Health Check Regularly    146

71  Get Some Money Mentors    148

72  Play Your Hunches     150

73  Don’t Sit Back     152

74  Get Someone to Do the Stuff You Can’t     154

75  Know Yourself—Solo, Duo, or Team Player     156

76  Look for the Hidden Asset/Opportunity    158

77  Don’t Try to Get Rich Too Quickly    160

78  Always Ask What’s In It for Them     162

79  Make Your Money Work for You    164

80  Know When to Let Go of Investments    166

81  Know Your Own Style     168

82  Know Why You Should Be Able to Read a Balance Sheet—and How     170

83  Be One Step Ahead of Your Tax Collector     172

84  Learn How to Make Your Assets Work for You    174

85  Don’t Ever Believe You’re Only Worth What You Are Being Paid     176

86  Don’t Follow the Same Route as Everyone Else    178

Part IV  Staying Wealthy    180

87  Shop for Quality     182

88  Check the Small Print     184

89  Don’t Spend It Before You’ve Got It     186

90  Put Something Aside for Your Old Age—No, More Than That!     188

91  Put Something Aside for Emergencies/Rainy Days—the Contingency Fund    190

92  You Paid What for It? How to Shop Around    192

93  Never Borrow Money from Friends or Family (but You Can Allow Them to Invest)     194

94  Don’t Surrender Equity     196

95  Know When to Stop     198

Part V  Sharing Your Wealth     200

96  Use Your Wealth Wisely    202

97  Never Lend Money to Friends or Family Unless You Are Prepared to Write It Off     204

98  Don’t Lend, Take Equities     206

99  You Really, Really Can’t Take It with You     208

100  Know When/How to Say No—and Yes     210

101  Find Ways to Give People Money Without Them Feeling They Are in Your Debt     212

102  Don’t Over-Protect Your Children from the Valuable Experience of Poverty     214

103  Know How to Choose Charities/Good Causes     216

104  Spend Your Own Money Because No One Will Spend It as Wisely as You    218

105  Take Responsibility Before You Take Advice     220

106  Once You’ve Got It, Don’t Flaunt It     222

107  What’s Next? Pacts with the Devil?     224

The Rules of Life, Expanded Edition: A Personal Code for Living a Better, Happier, More Successful Life

Introduction     viii

Part I Rules for You     1

1  Keep It Under Your Hat     4

2  You’ll Get Older But Not Necessarily Wiser     6

3  Accept What Is Done Is Done     8

4  Accept Yourself     10

5  Know What Counts and What Doesn’t     12

6  Dedicate Your Life to Something     14

7  Be Flexible in Your Thinking     16

8  Take an Interest in the Outside World     18

9  Be on the Side of the Angels, Not the Beasts     20

10  Only Dead Fish Swim with the Stream     22

11  Be the Last to Raise Your Voice     24

12  Be Your Own Adviser     26

13  No Fear, No Surprise, No Hesitation, No Doubt     28

14  I Wish I’d Done That--and I Will     30

15  It’s OK to Give Up     32

16  Count to Ten--or Recite “Baa Baa Black Sheep”     34

17  Change What You Can Change; Let Go of the Rest     36

18  Aim to Be the Very Best at Everything You Do--Not Second Best     38

19  Don’t Expect to Be Perfect     40

20  Don’t Be Afraid to Dream     42

21  If You’re Going to Jump Off a Bridge, Make Sure You Know How Deep the Water Is     44

22  Don’t Dwell on the Past     46

23  Don’t Live in the Future     48

24  Get on With Life--It’s Whooshing Past     50

25  Be Consistent     52

26  Dress Like Today Is Important     54

27  Have a Belief System     56

28  Leave a Little Space for Yourself Each Day     58

29  Have a Plan     60

30  Have a Sense of Humor     62

31  Choose How You Make Your Bed     64

32  Life Can Be a Bit Like Advertising     66

33  Get Used to Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone     68

34  Learn to Ask Questions     70

35  Have Dignity     72

36  It’s OK to Feel Big Emotions     74

37  Keep the Faith     76

38  You’ll Never Understand Everything     78

39  Know Where True Happiness Comes From     80

40  Life Is a Pizza     82

41  Know When to Let Go--When to Walk Away     84

42  Retaliation Leads to Escalation     86

43  Look After Yourself     88

44  Maintain Good Manners in All Things     90

45  Prune Your Stuff Frequently     92

46  Remember to Touch Base     94

47  Draw the Lines Around Yourself     96

48  Shop for Quality, Not Price     98

49  It’s OK to Worry, or to Know How Not To     100

50  Stay Young     102

51  Throwing Money at a Problem Doesn’t Always Work     104

52  Think for Yourself     106

53  You Are Not in Charge     108

54  Have Something in Your Life That Takes You

Out of Yourself     110

55  Only the Good Feel Guilty     112

56  If You Can’t Say Anything Nice, Don’t Say

Anything at All     114

Part II Partnership Rules     117

57  Accept the Differences, Embrace What You Have in Common     120

58  Allow Your Partner the Space to Be Themselves     122

59  Be Nice     124

60  You Want to Do What?     126

61  Be the First to Say Sorry     128

62  Go That Extra Step in Trying to Please Them     130

63  Always Have Someone--or Something--That Is Pleased to See You     132

64  Know When to Listen and When to Act     134

65  Have a Passion for Your Life Together     136

66  Make Sure Your Love Making Is Making Love     138

67  Keep Talking     140

68  Respect Privacy     142

69  Check You Both Have the Same Shared Goals     144

70  Treat Your Partner Better Than Your Best Friend     146

71  Contentment Is a High Aim     148

72  You Don’t Both Have to Have the Same Rules     150

Part III Family and Friends Rules     153

73  If You Are Going to Be a Friend, Be a Good Friend     156

74  Never Be Too Busy for Loved Ones     158

75  Let Your Kids Mess Up for Themselves--They Don’t Need Any Help from You     160

76  Have a Little Respect and Forgiveness for Your Parents     162

77  Give Your Kids a Break     164

78  Never Lend Money Unless You Are Prepared to Write It Off     166

79  Keep Quiet     168

80  There Are No Bad Children     170

81  Be Up Around People You Love     172

82  Give Your Kids Responsibilities     174

83  Your Children Need to Fall Out with You to Leave Home     176

84  Your Kids Will Have Friends You Don’t Like     178

85  Your Role as a Child     180

86  Your Role as a Parent     182

Part IV Social Rules     185

87  We’re All Closer Than You Think     188

88  It Doesn’t Hurt to Forgive     190

89  It Doesn’t Hurt to Be Helpful     192

90  What’s in It for Them?     194

91  Hang Out with Positive People     196

92  Be Generous with Your Time and Information     198

93  Get Involved     200

94  Keep the Moral High Ground     202

95  Just Because You Have, Doesn't Mean They Have Too     204

96  Do Compare Yourself with Other People     206

97  Have a Plan for Your Career     208

98  Look at the Long-Term Ramifications of What You Do for a Living     210

99  Be Good at Your Job     212

100  Be Aware of the Damage You Are Doing     214

101  Be for the Glory, Not the Degradation     216

102  Be Part of the Solution, Not the Problem     218

103  Check What History Would Say About You     220

104  Not Everything Can Be Green     222

105  Put Something Back     224

106  Find a New Rule Every Day--or Occasionally at Least     226

The Rules of Work, Expanded Edition: A Definitive Code for Personal Success

Foreword   viii

Introduction   x

Part I Walk Your Talk   1

1  Get Your Work Noticed   4

2  Never Stand Still   6

3  Volunteer Carefully   8

4  Carve Out a Niche for Yourself   10

5  Under Promise and Over Deliver   12

6  Learn to Ask Why   14

7  Be 100 Percent Committed   16

8  Learn from Others’ Mistakes   18

9  Enjoy What You Are Doing   20

10  Develop the Right Attitude   22

11  Be Passionate But Don’t Kill Yourself   24

12  Manage Your Energy   26

13  Never Let Anyone Know How Hard You Work   28

14  Keep Your Home Life at Home   30

Part II  Know That You’re Being Judged at All Times   33

15  Cultivate a Smile   36

16  No Limp Fish—Develop the Perfect Handshake   38

17  Exude Confidence and Energy   40

18  Develop a Style That Gets You Noticed   42

19  Pay Attention to Personal Grooming   44

20  Be Attractive   46

21  Be Cool   48

22  Speak Well   50

23  Write Well   52

Part III  Have a Plan   55

24  Know What You Want Long Term   58

25  Know What You Want Short term   60

26  Study the Promotion System   62

27  Develop a Game Plan   64

28  Set Objectives   66

29  Know Your Role   68

30  Know Yourself—Strengths and Weaknesses   70

31  Identify Key Times and Events   72

32  Anticipate Threats   74

33  Look for Opportunities   76

34  Make Learning a Lifelong Mission   78

Part IV  If You Can’t Say Anything Nice—Shut Up   81

35  Don’t Gossip   84

36  Don’t Bitch    86

37  Stand Up for Others  88

38  Compliment People Sincerely   90

39  Be Cheerful and Positive   92

40  Ask Questions   94

41  Use “Please” and “Thank You”   96

42  Don’t Swear   98

43  Be a Good Listener   100

44  Only Speak Sense   102

Part V  Look After Yourself   105

45  Know the Ethics of Your Industry   108

46  Know the Legalities of Your Industry   110

47  Set Personal Standards   112

48  Never Lie   114

49  Never Cover Up for Anyone Else   116

50  Keep Records   118

51  Know the Difference Between the Truth and The Whole Truth   120

52  Cultivate Your Support/Contacts/ Friends   122

53  Date with Caution   124

54  Understand Others’ Motives   126

55  Assume Everyone Else Is Playing by Different Rules   128

56  Keep the Faith   130

57  Put Things in Perspective   132

Part VI  Blend In   135

58  Know the Corporate Culture   138

59  Speak the Language   140

60  Dress Up or Dress Down Accordingly   142

61  Be Adaptable in Your Dealings with Different People   144

62  Make Your Boss Look Good   146

63  Know Where to Hang Out, and When   148

64  Understand Social Protocols   150

65  Know the Rules about Authority   152

66  Know the Rules about the Office Hierarchy   154

67  Never Disapprove of Others   156

68  Understand the Herd Mentality   158

Part VII  Act One Step Ahead   161

69  Dress One Step Ahead   164

70  Talk One Step Ahead   166

71  Act One Step Ahead   168

72  Think One Step Ahead   170

73  Address Corporate Issues and Problems   172

74  Make Your Company Better for Having You There   174

75  Talk of “We” Rather Than “I”   176

76  Walk the Walk   178

77  Spend More Time with Senior Staff   180

78  Get People to Assume You Have Already Made the Step   182

79  Prepare for the Step After Next   184

Part VIII  Cultivate Diplomacy   187

80  Ask Questions in Times of Conflict   190

81  Don’t Take Sides   192

82  Know When to Keep Your Opinions to Yourself   194

83  Be Conciliatory   196

84  Never Lose Your Temper   198

85  Never Get Personal   200

86  Know How to Handle Other People’s Anger   202

87  Stand Your Ground   204

88  Be Objective About the Situation   206

Part IX  Know the System--and Milk It   209

89   Know All the Unspoken Rules of Office Life   212

90  Know What to Call Everyone   214

91  Know When to Stay Late and When to Go Early   216

92  Know the Theft or Perks Rule   218

93  Identify the People Who Count   220

94  Be on the Right Side of the People Who Count    222

95  Be Well Up on New Management Techniques    224

96  Know the Undercurrents and Hidden Agendas   226

97  Know the Favorites and Cultivate Them   228

98  Know the Mission Statement--and Understand It   230

Part X  Handle the Opposition   233

99  Identify the Opposition   236

100  Study Them Closely   238

101  Don’t Back-Stab   240

102  Know the Psychology of Promotion   242

103  Don’t Give Too Much Away   244

104  Keep Your Ear to the Ground   246

105  Make the Opposition Seem Irreplaceable   248

106  Don’t Damn the Opposition with Faint Praise   250

107  Capitalize on the Career-Enhancing Moments   252

108  Cultivate the Friendship and Approval of Your Colleagues   254

Postscript: Know When to Break the Rules   256

The Rules of Management, Expanded Edition: A Definitive Code for Managerial Success

Part I  Managing Your Team     1

1  Get Them Emotionally Involved     4

2  Know What a Team Is and How It Works     6

3  Set Realistic Targets—No, Really Realistic     8

4  Hold Effective Meetings     10

5  …No, Really Effective     12

6  Make Meetings Fun     14

7  Make Your Team Better Than You     16

8  Know Your Own Importance     18

9  Set Your Boundaries     20

10  Be Ready to Prune     22

11  Offload as Much as You Can—or Dare     24

12  Let Them Make Mistakes     26

13  Accept Their Limitations     28

14  Encourage People     30

15  Be Very, Very Good at Finding the Right People     32

16  Hire Raw Talent     34

17  Take the Rap     36

18  Give Credit to the Team When It Deserves It     38

19  Get the Best Resources for Your Team     40

20  Celebrate     42

21  Keep Track of Everything You Do and Say     44

22  Be Sensitive to Friction     46

23  Create a Good Atmosphere     48

24  Inspire Loyalty and Team Spirit     50

25  Have and Show Trust in Your Staff     52

26  Respect Individual Differences     54

27  Listen to Ideas from Others     56

28  Adapt Your Style to Each Team Member     58

29  Let Them Think They Know More Than You (Even if They Don’t)     60

30  Don’t Always Have to Have the Last Word     62

31  Understand the Roles of Others     64

32  Ensure People Know Exactly What Is Expected of Them     66

33  Have Clear Expectations     68

34  Use Positive Reinforcement Motivation     70

35  Don’t Try Justifying Stupid Systems     72

36  Be Ready to Say Yes     74

37  Train Them to Bring You Solutions, Not Problems     76

Part II  Managing Yourself     79

38  Work Hard     82

39  Set the Standard     84

40  Enjoy Yourself     86

41  Don’t Let It Get to You     88

42  Know What You Are Supposed to Be Doing     90

43  Know What You Are Actually Doing     92

44  Value Your Time     94

45  Be Proactive, Not Reactive     96

46  Be Consistent     98

47  Set Realistic Targets for Yourself—No, Really Realistic     100

48  Have a Game Plan, but Keep It Secret     102

49  Get Rid of Superfluous Rules     104

50  Learn from Your Mistakes     106

51  Be Ready to Unlearn—What Works, Changes     108

52  Cut the Crap—Prioritize     110

53  Cultivate Those in the Know     112

54  Know When to Kick the Door Shut     114

55  Fill Your Time Productively and Profitably     116

56  Have a Plan B and a Plan C     118

57  Capitalize on Chance—Be Lucky, but Never Admit It     120

58  Recognize When You’re Stressed     122

59  Manage Your Health     124

60  Be Prepared for the Pain and Pleasure     126

61  Face the Future     128

62  Head Up, Not Head Down     130

63  See the Forest and the Trees     132

64  Know When to Let Go     134

65  Be Decisive, Even if It Means Being Wrong Sometimes     136

66  Adopt Minimalism as a Management Style     138

67  Visualize Your Plaque     140

68  Have Principles and Stick to Them     142

69  Follow Your Intuition     144

70  Be Creative     146

71  Don’t Stagnate     148

72  Be Flexible and Ready to Move On     150

73  Remember the Object of the Exercise     152

74  Remember That None of Us Has to Be Here     154

75  Go Home     156

76  Keep Learning—Especially from the Opposition     158

77  Be Passionate and Bold     160

78  Plan for the Worst, but Hope for the Best     162

79  Let the Company See You Are on Its Side     164

80  Don’t Bad-Mouth Your Boss     166

81  Don’t Bad-Mouth Your Team     168

82  Accept that Some Things Bosses Tell You to Do Will Be Wrong     170

83  Accept That Bosses Are as Scared as You Are at Times     172

84  Avoid Straitjacket Thinking     174

85  Act and Talk as if One of Them     176

86  If in Doubt, Ask Questions     178

87  Show You Understand the Viewpoint of Underlings and Overlings     180

88  Add Value     182

89  Don’t Back Down—Be Prepared to Stand Your Ground     184

90  Don’t Play Politics     186

91  Don’t Criticize Other Managers     188

92  Share What You Know     190

93  Don’t Intimidate     192

94  Be Above Interdepartmental Warfare     194

95  Show That You’ll Fight to the Death for Your Team     196

96  Aim for Respect Rather Than Being Liked     198

97  Do One or Two Things Well and Avoid the Rest     200

98  Seek Feedback on Your Performance     202

99  Maintain Good Relationships and Friendships     204

100  Build Respect—Both Ways—Between You and Your Customers     206

101  Go the Extra Mile for Your Customers     208

102  Be Aware of Your Responsibilities     210

103  Be Straight at All Times and Speak the Truth     212

104  Don’t Cut Corners—You’ll Get Discovered     214

105  Find the Right Sounding Board     216

106  Be in Command and Take Charge     218

107  Be a Diplomat for the Company     220

End Game     222

The Rules of Love: A Personal Code for Happier, More Fulfilling Relationships

Introduction    xii

Part I  Rules for Finding Love    1

Rule 1  Be Yourself    4

Rule 2  Get Over It Before You Get on with It    5

Rule 3  You Won’t Be Happy with a Partner Until You Can Be Happy on Your Own    8

Rule 4  You’ll Know Them When You Meet Them    10

Rule 5  Choose Someone Who Makes You Laugh    12

Rule 6  Being Less than a Hundred Percent Attractive Is a Great Filter    14

Rule 7  Don’t Keep Making the Same Mistakes    16

Rule 8  Certain People Are Off Limits (You Know Who They Are)    18

Rule 9  You Can’t Change People    20

Rule 10  Relationships Aren’t About Sex    22

Rule 11  You Should Know Someone Through All the Seasons Before You Make Any Major Decisions    24

Rule 12  Don’t Stay with Someone Who Doesn’t Care    26

Rule 13  If You Can’t Trust Them, You Haven’t Got a Relationship    28

Rule 14  Be Honest (While You Still Have the Chance)    30

Rule 15  Don’t Play Games    32

Rule 16  Don’t Paint New Partners with Old Brushes    34

Rule 17  Make Sure You Both Have the Same Shared Goals    36

Rule 18  You Can’t Make Someone Love You    38

Rule 19  Be Cruel to Be Kind    40

Part II  Rules of Relationships    43

Rule 20  Be Nice    46

Rule 21  Be Together Because You Want to, Not Because You Need To    48

Rule 22  Allow Your Partner the Space to Be Themselves    50

Rule 23  Look to Your Own Faults    52

Rule 24  Be Honorable    54

Rule 25  Put Each Other First    56

Rule 26  Recognize the Signs    58

Rule 27  Be a Hero—or a Heroine    60

Rule 28  Accept the Differences, Embrace What You Have in Common    62

Rule 29  Houston, We Have a Problem    64

Rule 30  You Want to Do What?    66

Rule 31  Let Not the Sun Go Down Upon Your Wrath    68

Rule 32  Be the First to Say Sorry    70

Rule 33  Don’t Belittle Your Partner    72

Rule 34  Don’t Put Them on a Pedestal and Expect Them to Stay There    74

Rule 35  Don’t Dump Responsibility on Your Partner    76

Rule 36  Never Stop Trying to Be Attractive    78

Rule 37  If You Can Say Anything Nice, Do    80

Rule 38  Don’t Try to Be Their Parent    82

Rule 39  Don’t Be a Nag    84

Rule 40  If Little Things Annoy You, Say So—with Humor    86

Rule 41  Go that Extra Step in Trying to Please Them    88

Rule 42  Make Sure Your Partner Is Always Pleased to See You    90

Rule 43  Know When to Listen and When to Act    92

Rule 44  Let Them Know If You Don’t Like Their Friends    94

Rule 45  Jealousy Is Your Stuff, Not Theirs    96

Rule 46  Your Partner Is More Important than Your Kids    98

Rule 47  Make Time for Romance    100

Rule 48  Have a Passion for Your Life Together    102

Rule 49  Share the Workload    104

Rule 50  Trust the Other One to Do the Job    106

Rule 51  Be Part of Their Life    108

Rule 52  Make Sure Your Love Making Is Making Love    110

Rule 53  Don’t Control Them    112

Rule 54  Listen to What They’re Not Saying    114

Rule 55  Most Everyday Arguments Are About Something Else    116

Rule 56  Respect Privacy    118

Rule 57  Treat Your Partner Better than Your Best Friend    120

Rule 58  Don’t Be Offended If They Want Some Space    122

Rule 59  Men Like Flowers, Too    124

Rule 60  Keep Your Finances Separate    126

Rule 61  Contentment Is a High Aim    128

Rule 62  Be Generous to Each Other Financially    130

Rule 63  You Make a Choice Every Day    132

Rule 64  Don’t’ Be a Martyr    134

Rule 65  You Don’t Both Have to Have the Same Rules    136

Rule 66  Put Yourself in Their Shoes    138

Rule 67  In-Laws Are Part of the Package    140

Rule 68  Keep Talking    142

Part III  Rules of Parting    145

Rule 69  Listen to Your Own Internal Voice    148

Rule 70  Recognize That It Takes Two    150

Rule 71  Keep the Moral High Ground    152

Rule 72  Don’t Keep Reliving It Over and Over    154

Rule 73  Leave the Kids Out of It    156

Part IV  Rules for Family    159

Rule 74  Don’t Blame Your Parents    162

Rule 75  Don’t Let Your Parents Control Your Feelings    164

Rule 76  Your Children Come Before You    166

Rule 77  Nothing Is Worth Falling Out Over    168

Rule 78  Treat Them the Way You Believe Is Right, No Matter How They Treat You    170

Rule 79  Don’t Pressure Your Family Just Because You Can    172

Rule 80  Never Be Too Busy for Loved Ones    174

Rule 81  Your Children Need to Fall Out with You to Leave Home    176

Rule 82  They Don’t Have to Be the Same as You    178

Rule 83  There’s Always Stuff with Siblings    180

Rule 84  Let Go of Your Role    182

Part V  Rules of Friendship    185

Rule 85  There Are No Rules    188

Rule 86  Your Best Friend Was Once a Stranger    190

Rule 87  Only Have People in Your Life Who Make It Better, Not Worse    192

Rule 88  If You’re Going to Be a Friend, Be a Good Friend    194

Rule 89  Never Give Advice    196

Rule 90  Find Friends Who Love the Truth    198

Rule 91  Never Lend Money Unless You’re Prepared to Write It Off    200

Rule 92  If You Don’t Like Their Partner, Tough    202

Rule 93  When One Finger Points Forward, Three Point Back    204

Rule 94  Friendships Change    206

Rule 95  Know When to Let Go    208

Rule 96  Bitterness Helps No One    210

Part VI  Rules for Everyone    213

Rule 97  Guilt Is a Selfish Emotion    216

Rule 98  Love Equals Time    218

Rule 99  The More You Give, the More You Get Back    220

Rule 100  Other People Are Where It’s At    222

The Rules of Parenting

Introduction    xii

Part I: Rules for Staying Sane    1

1  Relax    4

2  No One Is Perfect      6

3  Know What You’re Good At  8

4  Almost Any Rule Can Be Broken Occasionally    10

5  Don’t Try to Do Everything    12

6  You Don’t Have to Follow Every Piece of Advice You Get (Including This One)    14

7  It’s Normal to Want to Escape     16

8  You’re Allowed to Hide From Your Kids     18

9  Parents Are People, Too   20

10  Don’t Ignore Your Relationship with Your Partner    22

Part II: Attitude Rules    25

11  Love Is Not Enough    28

12  Every Recipe Needs Different Ingredients    30

13  Look Pleased to See Them   32

14  Treat Your Child With Respect      34

15  Enjoy Their Company   36

16  Being Neat Isn’t as Important as You Think   38

17  Good Parenting is Calculated Risk Taking    40

18  Keep Your Worries to Yourself    42

19  See Things From Their Point of View    44

20  Parenting Is Not a Competitive Sport    46

Part III: Everyday Rules    49

21  Let Them Get on With It     52

22  Teach Them to Think for Themselves    54

23  Use Praise Wisely     56

24  Know the Value of Boundaries    58

25  Bribery Doesn’t Have to Be Bad    60

26  Moods Are Catching  62

27  You’re Setting Their Eating Patterns for Life    64

28  Communicate    66

29  Set Clear Targets    68

30  Don’t Be a Nag    70

Part IV: Discipline Rules    73

31  Present a United Front     76

32  Carrots Beat Sticks    78

33  Be consistent    80

34  Lighten Up    82

35  Focus on the Problem, Not the Person    84

36  Don’t Paint Yourself into a Corner    86

37  If You Lose Your Temper, You’re the Loser    88

38  Apologize If You Get It Wrong    90

39  Let Them Back In     92

40  The Right of Expression    94

Part V: Personality Rules    97

41  Find What Incentives Work for Your Child    100

42  Every Child Should Have Something They Know They’re Good At    102

43  Learn to Appreciate the Qualities That Remind You of Someone Else    104

44  Look for the Similarities Between You    106

45  Find Qualities to Admire in Them    108

46  Let Them Be Better Than You    110

47  Their Attitude Is as Important as Their Achievements    112

48  Keep Your Fears and Insecurities to Yourself     114

49  Mind Your Programming    116

50  Don’t Try to Have a Perfect Child    118

Part VI: Sibling Rules    121

51  Give Them Each Other     124

52  Recognize That Squabbling Is Healthy (Within Reason)    126

53  Teach Them to Sort Out Their Own Arguments     128

54  Work as a Team    130

55  Let Them Entertain Each Other   132

56  Never Compare Children with Each Other   134

57  Different Children Need Different Rules    136

58  Don’t Have a Favorite    138

59  Mix and Match    140

60  Find Each Child’s Strengths    142

Part VII: School Rules    145

61  Schooling Isn’t the Same as Education    148

62  School Comes as a Package    150

63  Fight in Your Child’s Corner    152

64  Bullying Is Always Serious     154

65  Teach Them to Stand Up for Themselves    156

66  Put Up with Friends of Theirs You Don’t Like     158

67  Remember You’re Their Parent, Not Their Teacher    160

68  Don’t Pamper Them    162

69  Let Up the Pressure    164

70  They Have to Live with Their Choices (and It’s Okay)   166

Part VIII: Teenage Rules    169

71  Don’t Panic    172

72  Remember Newton’s Third Law    174

73  Give Them a Voice    176

74  Don’t Look Under the Mattress      178

75  Running after Them Doesn’t Help Anybody    180

76  Don’t Stand in Front of a Speeding Train    182

77  Yelling Isn’t the Answer    184

78  Everything Comes with Strings     186

79  Show Some Respect for the Things They Care About    188

80  Adopt a Healthy Attitude About Sex    190

Part IX: Crisis Rules    193

81  Don’t Use Your Kids as Ammunition    196

82  Let Them Cope in Their Own Way    198

83  Being Younger Doesn’t Necessarily Speed Everything Up    200

84  The Aftershock Can Last Forever    202

85  Tell Them What’s Going On    204

86  Teach Them to Fail Successfully      206

87  It’s Better to Agree Than to Be Right        208

88  All Your Actions Speak Louder Than Your Words    210

89  Make Sure They Know They’re Priority No. 1     212

90  You Can’t Fix Everything    214

Part X: Grown-up Rules    217

91  Back Off    220

92  Wait Until They Ask for Advice    222

93  Treat Them as Adults    224

94  Don’t Try to Be Their Best Friend    226

95  Encourage Them Regardless      228

96  Leave the Strings Off    230

97  Don’t Guilt-Trip Them    232

98  Remember They Still Need You    234

99  It’s Not Your Fault    236

100  Once a Parent, Always a Parent     238

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